I have a problem, and that problem is Solipskier. Actually, it’s a problem in two parts:

• Part A: Solipskier being an excellent game, taking perfect advantage of the iPhone’s touch input and high resolution screen to execute its own particular brand of digital crack.
• Part B: A certain Nemesis X who plays Solipskier and keeps beating my high score.

The combination of a game that encourages you to try just one more time to boost your score and a smug nemesis who screencaps his own terrifying exploits and emails them to you when you’re trying really hard to be a productive member of society is just too much for my soul — not to mention my Solip-skiing thumb — to handle.

There’s really not much to the game itself. You simply draw slopes for your skier, attempting to guide the little beheadphoned guy through yellow gates and blue gates, away from red gates, and over orange jumps. It’s really all in the execution, which is thrilling, and I was pretty proud of myself when I broke 4 million points the first time. My mistake was in telling Nemesis X.

NX: *Smirk*
PM: What?
NX: *Smirky smirk smirk*
PM: What? What’s your score?
NX: 46 million
PM: …
NX: *Smirk*

That was the initial exchange, at least as I remember it. Of course, 46 million was hardly even scratching the surface. In fact, one of the problems with Solipskier is knowing how far we’ve really progressed down the rabbit hole. This might even call for a new branch of mathematics: Solipskier theoretics.

“Given a certain exponential score increase over x days, what are the theoretical limits of that player’s score over xsquared days?”

You also have to begin to flex the English language somewhat to accommodate for Solipskier-related frustrations and triumphs.

“Argh, I just red-lined a 179 mil!”

“I think I just buzzed the tower with my rainbow cape because my multiplier is still at 100+.”

Of course, Solipskier ergonomics will become a multimillion dollar industry over time as the best brains of our generation will try and discern the superiority of iPhone or iPad play. Complicated wind tunnel models will be built and destroyed in an effort to figure out the optimum body position to maintain maximum mobility for the maximum duration (a good Solipskier run can ratchet into the tens of minutes). Spandex-clad creatine addicts will make whole exercise tapes dedicated to thumb, forefinger, and forearm agility.

When I see this, all I see is red.

Eventually, as our society descends into madness, we’ll have whole branches of medicine dedicated to treating Solipskier-caused thumb and eyesight injuries (I currently have to keep my thumb mostly straight so it doesn’t cramp up, the diabolical NX alternates fingers), and “I was playing Solipskier” will supplant canine-blame as the number one excuse heard at school for poor performance. Subway systems will have to be re-imagined to accommodate passengers caught in a Solipskier trance (I suggest holding the train at the stop until the Solipskier player breaks a multiplier or, heaven forbid, red-lines a 179 mil).

Sadly, I think my despair is actually heightened in my few moments of sanity. I step back, take a deep breath, and realize that Solipskier is just one of hundreds of games that are lurking out there, ready to devour my free time and my iPhone’s battery life. In fact, I start laughing nervously every time someone mentions Angry Birds. I know that if my thumb accidentally slips and buys it from the App Store totally against my will one day, I won’t see my friends or family for a month.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to Photoshop a Solipskier screencap into some absurd score that will ruin NX’s week and buy me some time to beat his latest missive.

Solipskier is currently playable in browser via Flash, or as a $2.99 iPhone / iPad Universal App. An Android version is forthcoming.

Editorial: Solipskier is ruining my life originally appeared on Engadget on Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:09:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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There are some ideas for iPhone apps that really just don’t work, and I can spot them a mile away. These apps are filled with glossy graphics, fairy music, and no way to lose. Slolipskier is not one of these apps. It is entirely fueled by awesome. Solipskier is the culmination of all that is great for those that enjoy skiing and awesomeness. Put super-fast downhill skiing, hard rock, and some great style into an app, and this is what you get.

Sometimes the greatest games are the most simple, and Solipskier falls into this category. The game starts you as the line drawer, guiding the path that your skier must take. As you slide your finger up and down on the screen, the path moves with you, causing the skier to move with it. As gravity demands, if you put a downhill slope on the screen, the skier will go faster, and if you put a sharp hill in front of it, the skiier will jump.

Along the way, there are rings and tunnels that you must go through for points, as well as some bad red rings and canyons that you must avoid. There’s no end to the chaos, just a high score goal to reach.

There are little moments of joy though that make Solipskier a better game than most. Little touches like the All Star Dunk Contest-like scorecards given for big jumps and the random loss of the skiers headphones if he goes too fast make everything seem a little bit more lovable.

Speaking of the headphones, the sound in Solipskier adds a lot more to the game than most soundtracks. It’s nothing too complex, just a simple hard rock guitar tune, but the real joys are the moments when the headphones do come off. For a period of time, you get that clean, carving down the mountain sound that you hear when you are actually skiing. The effect wouldn’t really be all that great on its own, but the striking contrast of the hard rock tune with the freeing sound of the mountain without the rock music is fantastic.

The only flaw I see in Solipskier is the complicated nature of the scoring system. Being a high score game, it’s hard for me to really grasp how I’m getting to a particular score. Unlike a game like Ninjump that definitely correlates time played with score, Solipkier puts in all sorts of bonuses, making the score a tough thing to analyze.

All in all, Solipskier is a fantastic game that should have a place on anyone’s iDevice. It’s innovative, fun, and looks/sounds oh so pretty. If you want to try it out before you buy, check out the flash version here. It’s not quite as pretty as the iPhone retina display version, but it plays the same.

For those that have the game, check out this great video of the developer kicking the crap out of any high score that I’ve ever gotten. It is on the flash version of the game, but the strategy definitely translates. The fact that he gets over 100 km/hr is amazing.

[ Solipskier Review is a post from 148Apps ]

This is Solipskier, which is a skiing app different from other skiing games, and it is done with one-finger touch controls.

You don’t use your finger to control the skier, but rather the terrain. Yes, that is different than most skiing games, but by controlling the terrain, you are affecting the skiier’s path.

I don’t know about you, but I think this looks pretty addicting. You should be able to get Solipskier for iOS for $2.99, and it is coming soon to Android.

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